Crush
by strega-in-progress
Summary: Hermione is having a bad year at Hogwarts... and the Potions Master keeps giving her detentions. When something bad happens to her... will he be able to handle the situation?
1. A midwinter night's nightmare

Hi! This chapter, and the next ones, have just been revised (THANK YOU SO MUCH  FOR BETA-READING IT, ENDILWEN!!!). Any mistake that you can find is due to my stupid fixation with writing in english, but in my head Snape and Hermione speak in English... (hey, no, I don't really hear voices...) Thank you to all of you who offered to beta-read. I really needed help, I was not sure I could handle it properly.

Last but NOT LEAST, REVIEW, PLEASE!!! : - ))

* * *

Hermione woke up, startled. Next to her, Crookshanks eased his way back to his former position, as he had been forced to move when Hermione awoke. She looked at the ginger furry ball and caressed the hairy thing slowly with her fingers. She smiled when she heard the cat purr, but the images in her dreams wiped the smile from her face almost immediately. 

Lately, she couldn't stop dreaming about being assaulted by Death Eaters. Well, yes; no doubt the attacks had increased in the last few months, but what made her think of herself as being one of their next targets…? Perhaps being close to Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived. Tired, but too terrified to try and sleep again, she picked up a book from her shelf, a Muggle choice she was sure no one in Hogwarts would ever understand: Shakespeare's 'Hamlet'. She then muttered "Lumos", and began to read.

* * *

"Severus" Dumbledore greeted gravely as he walked into the room

"And so? How was the meeting?"

Snape's face twitched. 

"Unluckily, Headmaster, Voldemort seems to know someone is betraying him. He administers limited information, and is extremely careful that no one gets the whole idea of his plans. There was nothing significant today, besides the remarkable absence of Mr. Crabble and Mr. Goyle. And, of course, Lucius Malfoy wasn't there, either"

"Severus, are you sure of your choice? You can still go far away from Voldemort once and for all. Your safety is my top priority."

Maybe it is, to you, Dumbledore. But it isn't likely to be so for the rest of the Wizarding  world**. **

"No, Dumbledore. What I am doing seems the only right thing to do, given the circumstances. Given..."- well, he thought, everything he had done- "And now, if you don't mind, I would like to retire and rest a for a while."

"Of course" whispered the Headmaster, helping him out of the office. He couldn't supress a sad look, knowing what the man was up against right now. Memories of other meetings, other nights... He shook his head, just wishing Fawkes' tears would heal more than one kind of wounds.

* * *

He was too tired. 

He saw a light approaching and he just wished it would go away. He was too tired to take points from Gyiffindor, even with the very limited amount of humour he could find inside himself.

The light dissapeared, and he just preferred to think it was old Filch. He walked his way to his dungeons and muttered the spells that let him in. He would have loved to wave his wand and cast 'Obliviate' on himself, but it would only be counterproductive. In spite of the hour, he forced himself to take a shower. He wouldn't sleep tonight, anyway. He hardly slept at all, forget the thought of Morpheus blessings coming to visit him after a meeting. 

Water didn't help much. He scrubbed but he didn't feel cleaner. He tried specially hard on the Dark Mark. Useless. It had been there for nearly 15 years. It would not disappear now. 

Avoiding the memories assaulting him, he poured himself a glass of wine. He just wished he had something stronger on hand, but the risks of his everyday life prevented him from indulging in alcohol. He drank half the bottle and decided it was enough. He picked up a book, but then put it down. Trying to escape the images of Aurors shrieking out of fear that threatened to fill his mind, 'Hamlet' did not seem a sensible choice.


	2. Monday, Bloody Monday

Again, thanks to Endilwen...

* * *

The next day was not very lucky for her. With sore eyes and yawning from time to time, she did well in Arithmancy, and Transfiguration wasn't too bad. But as the minutes went by, she felt herself become more and more weary and couldn't help shuddering when approaching the Potions Classroom.

Dealing with Snape was going to be a nightmare. And that was even before she saw him coming angrily, wrath shining in his eyes, even more so than she was used to. She fighted the impulse to run to her room, and walked into the class. Neville Longbottom sat next to her. Damn. Today they were suppossed to develop a potion on their own, weren't they? So probably Neville would need more subtle help than usual. She was not in the mood to whisper instructions to the clumsy boy that would lead him nowhere, as he would mess everything up. Somehow, she managed a smile, and began working.

"Shh. Ahem... Hermione"

She tried to ignore him, but Neville had nearly shouted her name. She looked up, searching for Professor Snape and expecting a murderous glance from him, but he wasn't anywhere in sight.

"Neville... try to make smaller pieces when you cut the roots" she advised

"What?"

"Try to make smaller pieces when you cut the roots"

And then she felt it. A pale hand on her shoulder. The long fingers grabbed her and made her turn to face the sneering face of Severus Snape.

"What do you think you are doing, Miss Granger?"

And - she couldn't help it. All the tension, all she had been through last night, all her weariness, everything came to an end- _and she yawned_- Oh, Merlin. She actually yawned in the face of Severus Snape, Potions Master, ex Death Eater, and Very-Dangerous-and-Irritable.

He first seemed puzzled. Then, he was more than angry. She thought he was about to shout at her, but then suddenly he calmed down and hissed:

"Detention, Miss Granger." – he knew this would hurt. She wanted to be awarded at the end of the school year, and detentions were not exactly the best way to get an award. 

"Every evening this week"

She vaguely heard Ron and Harry groaning but she bent her head down into her cauldron, all her hair hiding her face. Perfect. She wouldn't let the bastard see her cry.

"Miss Granger" she started at the voice. "Are you asleep?" She looked up with horror and realized all her companions had left the classroom. Snape seemed to be having a real good time with the situation. 

"No, Professor. Sorry, Professor" She picked up her books and walked away from her cauldron. 

"Miss Granger?" she turned slowly. "What... what the... for heavens' sake, what is _this_?" He was giving her a half amused and half annoyed look, and pointed inside her cauldron. She leant over it and saw it was full of white liquid. She couldn't breathe. _What was that? _The gnome-killing potion was suppossed to be green! Thinking as fast as she could as well as trying to avoid the infuriated look the Professor was directing at her, she tried to remember what had she put in it. 

They both reached the same conclusion at the same time. 

"I am afraid..."

"Oh, Merlin, I can't believe it. You put... virgin's tears in it!" He knew she had realized it also, but he said it aloud, with malevolence. 

She didn't know what had made her blush, the fact that the perfect Hermione Granger had failed, and not in front of any teacher, but in front of Snape, or a topic such as her sexual life being laughted at by him. Or maybe what really bothered her was that he now knew she had been crying. 

She uttered a silent curse.

"Well, bottle it, that could be useful as a basis for some other potion, and then get out."

She hurried up. Ron and Harry were waiting for her in Gryffindor Tower.

"Hermione, what happened to you?"

"Too busy talking about Quidditch to stop and think about poor Hermione, huh?"

"What?"

"Nothing. I was being told off by that... that... that vampire".

Harry and Ron exchanged glances of surprise. Not that the insult was original, or striking, but the fact that it came from Hermione was unusual. A very angry Hermione. All the times they had said anything bad about a teacher, she had defended them, even when it was about Snape and his habit of unfairly taking points from Gryffindor. She had never said a word against Hogwarts teaching staff in six years.

"What did he say?"

Hermione could have slapped herself. She didn't want to explain what had happened. 

"I made a mistake with the potion"

Another surprised look from the boys.

"Hermione, are you feeling ok?" asked Ron. 

She grumbled and said something about going to her room. As a prefect, she could enjoy the peace of her own room. She felt different from the other girls, far from that complicity (and sometimes competition) established among  teenage witches.

She thought of having a quick bath, but it was nearly lunch time. She sighed, and joined her friends to the Hall.


	3. And still so far from Veritas

This one is pretty short... 

Thanks to Trancos and Dragonwing for reviewing and for the first one, such a surprise que sepas español! Thanks also to Endilwen for beta-reading this stuff!.

* * *

Snape wasn't very happy with himself. He was still feeling bad about the meeting with Voldemort and the Death Eaters, and now he had to look after Hermione Granger for a couple of hours; not just now, he reminded himself, but for the rest of the week. He should have thought of a way to punish her without punishing himself in the process. He wasn't exactly looking forward to spending his evenings with the infamous Gryffindor know-it-all. 

There was a knock on the door, and Hermione came in. 

"Good evening, Professor Snape."

"Not very good, now. Come with me"

They both went into the private little room where Snape carried out his own experiments; a couple of cauldrons had something boiling inside them. He gave the girl a handful of ingredients. She looked at them trying to recall what potion would they provide when mixed, but couldn't come up with an answer.

"Well, Miss Granger" he said, with a cruel tone. "Surely for now you have already guessed that you are to develop Veritaserum potion. "

She damned her slow mind, and blamed the after effects of the weekend for it.

"But, Professor…"

"Yes?" his tone didn't allow room for discussion, so she just put her head down and began working. This was a very complicated potion that required complete attention and concentration, so she soon forgot that she was in detention, sharing the classroom with Snape.

Snape hardly looked at her, he was too busy checking his experiments closely and reading. In the end, she had a pleasant afternoon, enjoying the processes of mixing the ingredients in at the correct time, cutting them precisely, and watching the difficult potion beginning to appear. 

Snape shot her a glance. Well, he had to recognize the girl _was_ bright. He allowed himself a moment of pure joy watching the accuracy with which she cut and mixed the ingredients, everything cleanly and in the right moment. So different from that Longbottom, and just too unfair that it has her who was given the detentions. But he wasn't known for being fair, and therefore he didn't feel guilty about it.

She found it hard to believe that two hours had passed when Snape dismissed her. If he could always be... well, so absent in his classes, they would be more enjoyable. She ran to the library to do her homework. She was very behind with it already, and she was going to lose another eight hours that week with her detentions.

* * *

"Veritaserum?" Ron and Harry asked at the same time.

She nodded.

"And then he made you try it and asked you about Harry, eh?" Only Ron could ask such a question. They all knew that the use of Veritaserum was strictly controlled.

"Well, Ron, maybe he is a little bit cruel, but he's still teaching at Hogwarts" she laughed.

"I see you are in a better mood now, Hermione" Harry stated.

"Yes... it really wasn't so bad" she ignored Ron's eyes full-opened in astonishment. "I've not been sleeping too well lately"

"Nightmares?"

"Yes"

She tried not to be ashamed of her fears, knowing all Harry had been through. Even he had nightmares, didn't he? But somehow she felt it was pointless telling them. She looked at the tables, now full with students, and realized that Malfoy and his friends were speaking about her. Supressing a grimace, she began eating her food.


	4. Growing closer

Sorry I used the typical resort of H and S working together on a potion as a way to make them closer, but it isn't as if they had a lot of hobbies to pick up another one for the purpouse... : - (

Thanks to Endilwen, erisedfororrim, Blade Mckay, and Trancos, again.

I know things go slow but... thanks for reading and reviewing!!!

Oh, and by the way, Hermione is eighteen, because one of my friends wrote a story including HG/SS slash, HG being underage, and she had several problems... so we follow the general belief that using the timeturner, her years were a little bit longer, so she should also be a little bit older than her friends now... I really wouldn't mind her been sixteen – as I've had so many crushes on teachers, it would just seem a nice revenge on them- but I prefer to make things the easy way...

* * * 

The classes passed slowly. This was going to be a terribly long week. After lunch, she took a breath and knocked the door of potions classroom.

"Come in" she heard, and she entered. 

There was something different in Snape. She couldn't put her finger on it, but there was definitely something different.

"What are you staring at, Miss Granger?"

"Professor Snape, I just wanted to ask... is there any potion that allows normal sleep without dreaming?" the words came out before she could stop them. Before even she could think about them.

"Little Miss Granger is having nightmares about not being the first one in every class?" he mocked. 

"Well, I supposse you know about Draught of Living Death potion..."

"Yes, but... I didn't mean something to provoke sleep, just to avoid dreams." 

He raised an eyebrow. He would need one of these also, but the idea had never occurred to him. Despite his sleeplessness, he didn't take any potions. He wouldn't be able to wake up when a danger approached, as he did in his normal sleep, an instinctive reaction. But a dreamless sleep potion would be so welcomed

"Well, I think that is a task good enough for you to investigate for the rest of the week. Write down whatever you find about it and hand it in on Friday with the results of your experiments. Even if you come to a dead end, I want to be sure you have been actually working." And maybe with a little bit of pre-research, he could develop something useful.

She was surprised. He was offering her something she hadn't ever dreamed of. She could experiment, test, do some research... she had been born for that. She tried to hide the pleasure in her eyes, because she was afraid that if he realized it pleased her, he would withdraw the so-called punishment. 

"Could I go to the library to check a couple of books out on the topic?"

"Well,  Miss Granger, you are under detention and you surely don't think me such an idiot, do you? Don't answer that" he said wryly. "You can use my private library" he said pointing to his office. "I think you will find all you need in there"

"All right, Professor Snape, uh... thank you"

He wondered what the hell could she be dreaming of that was so bad. Well, surely it had to be, because she had dared ask him. He looked at her walking into the room. She looked a little bit frightened, but she looked determined. Then he realized; she was

caressing the books. He watched her pick one- a very good choice, he would say so- and hold it as if it was a sacred thing. Respectfully and with a gleam of delight, she began reading it.  

She kept her head buried in books for the first hour. He didn't bother to look up either. This was one of the most peaceful detentions he had ever had. But he hadn't expect less of Miss Granger. 

" Professor?" the hesitant voice disturbed his thoughts, miles away now.

"Yes, Miss Granger?"

"Do you think I could borrow some of your ingredients?" she misunderstood his glance and explained "I thought that maybe Mandrake root powder is not strong enough, and I don't have any fresh Mandrake root. I ran out of Dragon Blood, too." 

He became interested. It was a very curious choice for ingredients.

"Let me see what you are thinking of" he gave her notes a quick glance and looked at her with surprise. "Well, it seems you are not completely stupid, Miss Granger."

Hermione's heart began beating very fast. Maybe it was the most valuable compliment she had ever got from a teacher. In her whole life. Even if it implied she was still a little bit stupid.

She went on with her work, and in the blinking of an eye, the detention was over.

* * * 

She woke up in the middle of the night. The events of the day before had been too much for her and she had fallen into a restoring sleep, but tonight she had dreamt again about Voldemort. 

Was it her fate, to be scared only for not being a pureblood? Wasn't it a curse on itself? So much that she hadn't learnt until she came to Hogwarts and so many things she couldnt share with her beloved parents... She had told them things about Voldemort, or they wouldn't have understood the fascination Harry caused on parental meetings at school. But she had let them think that the ocasional glances full of hatred that Malfoy's parents dispensed them were only due to an invented rivalry about marks between her and Draco. She was too ashamed of some witches and wizards thinking people like them were not worthy of life. So many years for some white men recognizing all the other races as equals, and wizards, with all their knowledge, had still not reached that conclusion. Muggle and wizarding minds were not so different, after all.

Perhaps she was being dramatic. Feeling a bit foolish, she fought the rising hairs on the back of her neck, and switched off the light.

* * *

The week was passing more quickly than he would have thought. He was too busy to think about Voldemort, at least. And the evenings with Miss Granger were becoming quite a nice thing, in terms of productivity.

Perhaps she wasn't a know-it-all; perhaps she just was very intelligent. And he knew how a very intelligent person could feel when unrecognised and unable to develop her interests. He shook his head and forgot about it. Too bad, too bad that it had to be a _Gryffindor _the only mind that could understand all the mysteries of potions brewing. An eighteen-year-old mudblood, a Gryffindor girl, he thought with despair, the only one able to follow the paths his mind traced without further explanation than a few muttered words.

"Welcome, Miss Granger" he said acidly "I was wondering wether your social life was more important than detention"

She looked her clock. Oh, c'mon, she was only three minutes late. 

She began working where she had left off the day before. She was very close to finding something effective, she knew it; but she had to hurry up. It was Thursday, she had only had four more hours. Funny to think she would miss detentions with Snape. 

He didn't read anything today. He supervised all her movements with something remotely similar to approval. She didn't mind, she knew she was doing it all right.

Snape felt suddenly dizzy and as slowly as he could, trying hard not to run, he went to his office. It wasn't possible. It was only four days since the last meeting. And it was not even dark. But the burning sensation on the inner part of his arm left no space for doubts; he was being called.

"Professor? Are you all right?" It was the third time she asked him a question from the door of his office, and she was upset.

"Hermione Granger!" he shouted.

Both of them froze. Well, he was supossed to know her name, but... she barely heard it used by one of the teacher, and it sounded strange from Snape. He hadn't call a student by his given name in years, either. 

"Clean up. I must leave"

"Well, Professor, couldn't I just... stay a little bit longer?"

He couldn't believe his ears.

"You are not getting credits out of this, Miss Granger"

"I know. I just... want to finish something"

He hadn't expected it, but maybe she could come with something that actually worked. He would have been very proud, even of a Gryffindor, but there was something more urgent.

"As you please. Make sure...eh, you clean up and close the door. I'll check later" and with his robes flapping around him, he walked towards Headmaster's office.


	5. The ugly face of Death

Thanks to Endilwen for revising, and thanks for reviewing to Romm, Dragonwing (again : - )) and to Griselda La Fey (by the way, I read that one of Mona Lisa, hehe)

* * *

"Dumbledore" he said with exasperation. "I _have to_ go. You know I have to."

The old wizard was sitting in front of him, apparently not listening to a word he was saying.

"Dumbledore"

"Yes, yes, Severus" a second later he was again the only wizard that could make Voldemort be frightened. He picked something from his desk and threw it into the hearth "Professor McGonagall?"

Minerva walked out of the fireplace and sat in one of the armchairs.

"Yes?" Then she noticed the tall, dark figure behind her. "Severus, hello."

"Severus has just been called. I don't want him to go, but he seems to be unaware of the threat this call presents for his life."

"Well, Albus... I think Severus is very competent, and I understood you thought him very bright, to be unaware of the risks he is taking. But, as I see it, the choice is only his"

Snape nearly blinked. Was McGonagall on his side instead of on Albus'? That was rare news. "And I say I will go."

"Last time, Voldemort was looking for a traitor, Severus"

"I know, Headmaster. Do you think I don't realize that I have never been summoned so soon after a meeting and that it isn't even dark?" 

"Then, why would you go? You know he probably will want you dead. And if you go out from Hogwarts, there is no way I can protect you."

"I know. Anyway, I am going. And best before Voldemort gets tired of waiting."

"Very well" said Dumbledore, defeated.

If only he could make the old man understand, Snape thought. If only he knew that for Snape, his life was not worth a second thought... All he asked for was Voldemort not using _Cruciatus_ on him too many times before killing him. And maybe he still had a chance. Not that he cared much. Death would provide him something very valuable: rest, and perhaps, just perhaps, some peace. 

* * *

In black, and with the mask on, he left Hogwarts. Near Hogsmeade, he Apparated. 

Voldemort's red eyes were in front of him. 

"Good evening, Professsssor" his hissing voice made him even more similar to a snake. He seemed to be speaking Parceltongue even when he wasn't.

He put a knee on the floor. Voldemort liked them doing such servile things.

"Well, Sssnape. I've learnt some interesting facts about Dumbledore. And it wasn't you who told me about them."

He didn't say anything. Better not to, if he was not required. 

_Intelligent bastard_, Voldemort thought. _I should have known better than to add him to my followers. He is too clever to manage easily. I should kill him._

"What is your newsss about Dumbledore?"

"He is not dumb, and he knows I am going out of Hogwarts without any tangible reason quite frequently. He does not seem to trust me."

"That is not what I asked"

"Yes, Lord, I am sorry." Snape ground his teeth. He was not good at begging. Nor at apologizing.

"_Crucio_" said Voldemort, waving his wand. He did it just for pleasure. He enjoyed this Curse very much, especially on those who tended to bleed by the eyes. He found it very... funny.

Snape, on the floor now, writhed in pain.

"What about that group he is forming againsssst me?" The Dark Lord asked, stopping the curse before his mind was affected.

The Order. He knew about it. 

"Who isss participating?"

What could he say? His mind raced. He was sure Vodemort had some names. Which ones? Fuck, this was probably Lucius' work. He probably knew about McGonagall. Everybody knew about her going anywhere where Dumbledore required her, and everyone knew she was against Voldemort. He could say her name without risking her life.

"Well, surely McGonagall. They are fussing around a lot"

"That'ssss not new. Who elsssse?"

He had to protect the Weasleys, although probably Voldemort knew about them. But he had to give Voldemort a fresh name. Myself, he thought of saying. 

"I have heard that a couple of former DADA teachers have been visiting the school, though I didn't catch a glimpse of them"

Voldemort nodded with interest. It was more or less clear he spoke about Moody and Lupin, but Voldemort could not be sure, and Lupin and Alastor knew how to look after themselves.

"What about William Weassssley?"

"Who? Oh, him" He couldn't remember having heard anyone ever calling Bill Weasley William. He would have laughed, in other circumstances. "Definitely not, I would say. Dumbledore really likes that family, but he doesn't find them very useful. How could they help him? And he has not been seen around since he arrived, just that once. We all would have known if he had got closer than a hundred metres from ths school, from the way the girls shout when they see him"

Voldemort didn't seem to realize the humor on the sentence, but he looked satisfied.

"I'll keep an eye on you, remember that, Sssnape. And you should keep an eye on that Parkinsssson" 

"The mother" Voldemort added, watching Snape hesitate.

"Oh, her"

"Yes. She's been having sex with some muggle, and for joy. She says she has a plan, but maybe I should chop her head off.  And I don't forget you, you treacherousssss Professssssor."

"Treacherous?" Snape was quiet. If this was the moment, he would at least be prepared and save his last words to spit them in the Dark Lord's very ugly face.

"Yessss. Lucius told me you have been snorting at his offsssspring a couple of times this week and that you have chosen a Gryffindor mudblood asssssissstant. 's that true?"

"Well, I can't protect Malfoy Jr. all the time, it seems suspicious, and about that... assistant, it is just a detention. She is not helping me with anything."

"All right, then. Leave me now. We will have a meeting soon, and, Sssnape, watch your ssstepssss, and Dumbledore'sss"

He nodded, relieved, and Apparated. In a few minutes, he was facing a happy Dumbledore, who handed him a glass of rum. He downed it in one shot, and the glass automatically refilled. 

"Severus, it is so good to have you back, and unwounded" he said, clapping his back. 

He told him everything about the meeting.

"Well, we knew he would find out sooner or later" he said philosophically. 

Too tired to discuss it, Snape went to his dungeon, to lick his wounds, but first went to Potions Classroom, to pick up something to ease his pain.

There was a light on. Infuriated, he opened the door,  his back aching sharply. 

"Miss Granger? What the hell are you doing still here?" She seemed to be deep in concentration, rubbing her forehead.

"Pro.. professor Snape." She said in astonishment. Then looked her watch and swallowed with difficulty. "I didn't realize the time"

In spite of feeling sick, Snape shot a curious glance at her. "Have you reached some conclusion yet?"

"Oh," she said, tensely. "I think I did, but the effects won't last all the night"

"Did you add sandalwood?"

"Yes. But then the potion becomes too strong, and it leaves you unconciouss"

"You tried it?!"

She sounded defensive when she answered "Yes, or how was I supossed to know whether it worked or not?"

That explained her disorientation. It was a long time since he had last known anyone who tried the potions by oneself; this girl was becoming a complete surprise. A corner of his mouth raised, but he stopped the coming smile and made a strong effort not to let out a cry of pain. 

"Well, let me see. I'll help you so that I can get rid of you once and for all. Tomorrow your detention is cancelled, anyway. You have completed the time you were supposed to."

Snape hadn't taken points from her for being there. Snape was going to help her. Snape had nearly smiled. She was scared that the sun would freeze next.

Although he was unfair, he was a great Professor when it came to teaching Potions. Watching him display his knowledge was fascinating. Together, it took them less than half an hour to find the ingredient that would make the potion last. He dismissed her then, although he knew she wanted to stay and take notes about the results. He had developed a wave of increasing respect from the girl and it had made him feel uncomfortable. 

He left to his rooms. He had nearly forgotten the pain the curse had caused him, but now, walking again, he suffered some spasms. Today the only potion he was taking was Hermione's. And he hoped it worked.


	6. Hermione rebels

Thanks to **Hermione-Severus Fan** (that would be a great name for me also, I am very morbid when they both are involved), **Sydney** (it is hard to keep Severus being a bastard when I find him so sexy...) **Desert-Rose6** (I slapped myself a couple of times about that. Nothing to do with the language, I am dumb, that's all.I sent u an email, thanks for asking!) and **Capitain Crash** (I love your stories, finding your review here was great). I have re-posted this chapter after **Endilwen **revised it. Thanks a lot!!!

I might get confused with timetables, spells and so; don't take that too seriously, for I have been reading a lot of fanfics lately and I mix what really is on the books with them, and I confuse things.

By the way, I never wrote any disclaimer, but I don't think anyone would sue me for this. Obviously I am not J.K.Rowling and this characters are not mine and I make no money bla bla bla. Just let me tell you, if I were her, I would read through fanfiction and steal all your ideas. Some of them are incredible. (Subliminal: J.K., if you read this, make Severus and Hermione end together!!!)

Good or bad reviews, please!!! (thanks to both, but I will give Lemon Drops to the ones saying good things... ;-))

* * * 

The potion was effective, and Hermione was very proud of herself. Although she was really happy about getting Professor Snape out of her afternoons, she had genuinely enjoyed her detentions to the last minute. 

She looked at the small bottle. Three drops had been enough; she calculated that the liquid would last her more than one month. Great. 

Feeling fresh and happy for the first time in several weeks, she went to breakfast. Before she realized, she found herself looking for Snape, but he wasn't there. She wanted to comment on the effects of the potion. It was the first thing she had ever created, and he had participated also... she felt so proud she couldn't keep it to herself, but no one would understand her joy, and for making such a fuss over a potion. The only person who might just understand, one of the brightest wizards of the century, was an unbearable bastard. Bad luck. 

She didn't see Snape for the whole weekend.

* * *

Snape rarely went for breakfast, he used to quickly sip some coffee in his rooms, but it was the first time in his life that he missed it because he was sleeping. 

He hadn't fallen asleep until four in the morning, it was true, and he had awoken twice in the night since, but no cries or begging or cruel laughter had haunted him. He blessed that Granger girl. But not for long.

* * *

"Miss Granger. Ten points from Gryffindor." he said with a bored tone. Well, this time Snape felt a little bit guilty about it; he positively knew it had been Malfoy who had spoiled Pansy's potion. But he did it, anyway.

The girl closed her eyes and counted five. Why was she so angry? Severus Snape was the same mean, greasy git he had always been. Wait; Now she saw it clearly. That was what had changed. He didn't seem as greasy; his hair. It seemed so... clean. Great black hair, that was it! Why had it taken so long for her to realize? She didn't think any Gryffindor had, either. This was good gossip.

Her anger dissipated. She didn't know why she was so surprised. Well, she had learnt to respect Snape, after that potion making. She loved what he did; all that researching, all that knowledge. She had always known he was incredibly bright, but she hadn't realized the hunger for knowledge seemed to be so deep in him as it was in her. Fuck it. He is a git, maybe not greasy any longer, but a git anyway, her own voice interrupted, echoing in her mind. 

"Miss Granger"- this time the tone was harder. "Did you hear what I said?"

"No, sorry Professor"

Harry searched for Ron's eyes. "What's happened to her?" his lips asked. Ron shrugged his shoulders. 

"Another twenty points"

"But Professor Snape..."

"What?" he said, cuttingly.

"That's unfair"

"What! Are you questioning my decision? Girl, there are not enough points in your house, if that's what you are doing, so you better shut up now!"

"But Professor, it wasn't my fault even the first time! And you know it!"

"Hermione" Harry hissed, alarmed. They had to stop their friend.

"You little... listen to me, girl, and you Potter better keep your mouth closed"- to Draco's pleasure- "I don't know if you think that potion you made gives you any special rights but..."

"I never mentioned that."- She was out of control. She had never answered that way  to any teacher. Only Snape and only that night in the Shrieking Shack. And never, ever in front of a class full of students. He wouldn't forgive or forget the humiliation. But he was being really unfair this time.

"Miss Granger, I suggest you leave the classroom" – his voice was scary- "Come to my office at 7 o'clock. Not a minute later. Now, get out!"

Even Slytherins were intimidated. Snape had never thrown anyone from class before, if it wasn't to go to visit Madame Pomfrey. The rest of the class passed in a deathly silence. 

* * *

Hermione wandered for some minutes, then thought she didn't want any teacher spotting her there and asking questions, so she ran to her room.

What the hell had that outburst been about? She was a Prefect, Hermione Granger, thought by half the school to spend her time licking her professors' boots (But teachers were the only ones she could speak to who would understand!). She was bewildered when she discovered why she had been so dreadfully stupid. She was too clever to ignore the reason. She had been so angry because what Snape thought about her was far more important for her than what other teachers thought. She respected him a lot after watching his work closely, and he was acting just the same. She couldn't match the two faces of the man. 

Anyway, was respect a reason to be so stupid? She closed her eyes, wanting to believe so. 

* * * 

Harry and Ron didn't go to Hogsmeade that afternoon. They had it free, but they wanted to stay with Hermione. 

"Boys, you can go, I'll be fine. Anyway, I'll probably be in detention for the rest of the school year"

"But, Hermione" said Harry, joking "if these are your last hours alive, we want to spend them with you".

She put her head into the pillow and whimpered. Her friends laughed. "Why was I so stupid? What was I thinking of?" she moaned. 

"Don't worry. You'll only have to clean the whole school with your toothbrush. It couldn't be worse"

"It couldn't be worse? Hey, does anyone know if I can be forced to resign from being a Prefect?"

"C'mon, Hermione!"

Time seemed to pass very slowly. Hermione was so nervous she didn't go for luch. At six o'clock, she went to her room, and picked up a little box. Linden blossom tea, it read. It was one of her muggle belongings, even if they used linden bossom as a ingredient in the wizarding world. She needed to calm, and well, it wasn't the moment to make any potion. 

Half past six. She sipped a little bit more of liquid. She tried to finish Hamlet but she couldn't follow the plot. 

A quarter to seven. She decided to leave the room, and walk slowly. But she soon regretted it. It was still ten to seven and she was standing up in front of Potions Classroom. Five minutes. Four. One minute. She heard a clock somewhere strike seven.

She knocked.

The door opened, and she entered the room. Professor Snape was leaning his back on the table, and staring at her. He didn't say a word and she stood there, feeling stupid, and trying not to think, because they had never been sure whether he could read their minds.

Snape, in fact, couldn't, but he knew some tricks that were useful enough. After all, he was good at legilimency. He knew Hermione was having a bad time, but she deserved it. Why had she behaved like that? He couldn't understand why he was so offended, and hadn't found the right punishment yet. Clean all Slytherin underwear without magic, he thought. No. It had to be painful; and useful. It would be insulting to both his and her intelligence not to put her to do something useful, once they had seen what she was able to do. 

Finally, he spoke.

"Miss Granger" his eyes stabbed her "it was a nasty surprise to discover that you, among all the students, would have no problems to discredit my decisions"

She remained silent.

"Miss Granger?"

"Yes?"

"You don't want to say anything? Now is the right time"

"Well, Professor, I am sorry." – _leave it that way, Hermione. Leave it that way. Fuck_, her mouth opened and she added.- "But you know you were being truly unfair." –It was done.

His eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head.

"Keep saying that girl, and you will..."

Professor McGonagall entered the room and shot a strange glance at them. She came closer to Snape and whispered something in his ear.

"Tell him I will be there in a couple of minutes. I have some issues I need to deal with before."

"But, Snape, it's urgent"

He gave no sign he had heard this last part. McGonagall left, still wondering what her best student was doing there with such a worried expression on her face.

"Well, Miss Granger. I must leave the pleasure of your company" he said, dryly. "No doubt you regret it as much as I do, but you can wait for me by cleaning up the classroom and re-indexing all the potion's ingredients I have in my office" A small pause, and a sneer erupted on his face as he said "Without magic".

It was a hard work. She sighed.

"But, don't think that's all. It will take me more time to think about a more suitable punishment." And he left.


	7. Her worst fears

Before posting this I posted a note asking for a BETA; I wasn't very confident to go on without revision, for more than one person told me I should get one. Well, I must say you are great, offering to waste your time upon other people's work (in my case, paranoia would fit more than work). So far, it has been revised by **Endilwen**. Thanks, thanks and thanks. You'll be probably be tired of me toading to you (does that make any sense? I looked it up in the dictionary).

Thanks to **CapitainCrash**. There again! Thank you so much. Sometimes it feels really good to read a review... surely you know the feeling.

Also **dragonwing**, You are following the story! Thank you so much for reviewing also. Lemon Drops for you, lots of them!!!

Thanks also to **Rusty,** I think you were right... no Lemon Drops, but thank you anyway.

**Queen Bonnie**: I already told you about your review...

**Midgetbeans**: thanks for aswering to my request, and so quickly.

**Trancos**: how about the exams??? I hope you like this one also... 

**Orangutangirl:** I was very happy also to see you had read this stuff... and thanks for offering, I really appreciated it.

I know I sound too much like having taken LSD, with all the exclamation marks. Also sorry for the punishment not being physical... I am not too keen on gore!

* * *

He walked in furiously and didn't smile back to Dumbledore.

"Severus, I wanted to speak to you."

"And? What's this thing that cannot wait?"

"I heard about Miss Granger, that... episode"

"I was about to punish her when you called for me" he said, frustrated. Sometimes he couldn't understand Dumbledore, although he respected him.  From his position, Dumbledore moved them like in a chess game; and like pawns, they didn't know what they were doing, controlling just their next step but not the whole move, trusting the Headmaster to be the powerful wizard they knew he was, and praying he was not just a senile old goat. ****

"So I called you in time"

"In time for what? Dumbledore... I will not allow that girl go unpunished. She and her friends have already gotten away with too many things." He said accusingly. "I think you are too soft, Headmaster"

"Hmm" he said, not nodding but not denying. "That is not what I wanted, anyway. But please, take a seat" He reluctantly did so. "Listen, Severus, we all know, thanks to you, that Voldemort wants to clean wizarding blood, or that's how he calls massive muggle homicide. He has already started killing muggle borns" He made a short pause "And then, Miss Granger is not only muggle born, but also one of the two closest friends Harry Potter has, and the easiest one to be attacked. Try to imagine the kind of pressure she's living under".

"Dumbledore" he tried to interrupt. "That is not reason enough not to behave..."

He didn't seem to hear him "Believe me, I don't want to excuse her, although I can understand what must be running through her mind." Erasing his permanent parental smile, the powerful wizard appeared. "But the girl is in real danger. Chistmas vacations are getting closer and we have detected Death Eaters not very far from her parents."

That came as a surprise for Snape. He felt strangely sympathetic; luckily, the decision wasn't his. Probably it had been taken by Dumbledore hours ago. Well, at least she would have to clean while he was there.

"So?" he finally asked.

"So, I would like your punishment to be useful"

Surrendering to the unavoidable, Snape asked with something not too far from anger but not too far from amusement:

"What do you suggest?"

"I would like you to give her private classes of Defense Against The Dark Arts"

"What?"

"Come on, Severus, why not? That will be necessary for her"

"But Headmaster! We are speaking about Granger, extra-classes will be a blessing for her!"

"Not with the NEWTs so near and, well, Severus, I am sure you can make it sound as a very hard punishment, eh?" _Yeah_, he thought_. I could make even an ice-cream sound like a very hard punishment._

And moreso if he was going to be the teacher. Hermione wouldn't be enraptured to know she was to spend more of her time with the Potions Master. Which brought another question to his lips.

"Why me?"

"You are the punishing one, and I know no better DADA's Master than yourself"

He chucked.

"Snape, we both know I need you in your current occupation and we should give a chance to other candidates. But you know as well as I do that you are one of the most bright wizards Hogwarts has ever provided, and you'd make a great Master".

_Boosting  my ego won't work, Dumbledore_. But it was working.

"Now, Miss Granger is brilliant also. She's quite special, and we must save her, Severus, we must" his eyes were wet or so it seemed. "Clever as Voldemort is, I am not quite sure he would kill her immediately. Even if muggle born, she's too good to be despised."

"OK, listen. I agree, I'll teach her. But Dumbledore, about that Occlumency classes with Potter... well, we stopped them and we won't be continuing."

"We have already spoken about that... but well, you won't have any time left, so I'll find a substitute. I might be doing it myself. But he's just a child, don't take whatever he did on your last session too seriously."

"He did nothing"

"Good. Anyway, Harry is not James"

"I know that"

"Of course... it is just that even I get a little bit confused sometimes..."

Snape was burning. 

"Anything else?" he had sounded rude, but he didn't care.

"No, no, go back to your tasks... Remember to keep an eye on Herm... Miss Granger" Dumbledore smiled like a child caught in fault or more exactly, like a grandpa caught giving chocolate to his favourite grandchild. Not that Severus Snape knew that expression from personal experience, of course. 

Quickly he went back to his office.

* * * 

"Detention, twice per week!" she moaned.

"Fiuuu" whistled Ginny.

"You will prepare a good supply of... of everything for Madame Pomfrey!"

Her quill was rushing over the paper. How would she do to keep on doing her homework? She had to study for the NEWTs!

But she didn't feel as bad as her groanings suggested. Really, she had enjoyed her last detentions. Working with Snape was great. She just wished he would let her do some more research, more experiments. But she suspected that wouldn't happen. She went on with Charms; she finished the 10 inches of scroll Flitwick had asked them to do and went to her room. 

* * *

"What's up with her?" Ginny asked her brother

"I don't know, Ginny. She's acting weird!"

"She's probably under too much pressure. You know, the NEWTs, that Voldemort is stronger now..." Harry said, meditative. He was living the same, but he did not shout to Snape. And Hermione was the last one he would have imagined doing so.

"Poor Hermione. I think she still hasn't gotten over breaking up with Viktor"

"That stupid. I told her he just wanted to have fun!"

"Ron, it was her who broke it off"

"Oh" the boy went red.

"We should go to bed... I wouldn't like her to have to throw us away from the Common Room tonight"

And they went, Harry sending a pitiful glance to the hearth.

* * *

"Take out your wand."

"My wand?"

"Miss Granger, I've always known that your skills are limited but I never suspected you were deaf."

She took out her wand, feeling furious but keeping her mouth closed.

"Following my instructions to do some potion is no challenge except for Longbottom." They both knew that was not true. " We will be practicing some defensive spells. Now, I'll attack you, feel free to defend yourself as well as you can. Don't be scared to hurt me"

I won't. She stood defiantly 

"_Petrificus To_...."

"_Expeliarmus!_"

Snape managed to keep his wand, but he couldn't complete the spell. _She's as brilliant as in potions_.

"_Impedimenta!"_ said Hermione, at the same time he was saying "_Jelly Legs!_"

"Very well, Miss Granger" he said coldly "Let's see now what you are capable of doing in front of a Dementor" he knew that Dementors were one of her biggest fears, because the last time they had seen a boggart, in Grimmauld Place during summer holidays, that's what it had become.

Hermione shuddered. She had practised her Patronus but she hadn't had the chance to put it into real use. Snape opened his office door, and a boggart came out.

Suddenly, it became the corpse of her mother.

"Ri... Riddikulus!"

It was a mix between her mother and her father, now. Shaking, she said:

"Riddikulus!"

It was Harry, now.

"Riddikulus!"

Then, Ron, and Dumbledore, and Ginny, and Viktor. This was similar to what had happened to Molly Weasley. But she couldn't stop it.

"Riddikulus!" she said, with more decision now.

It was McGonagall.

Snape took his wand out. This was too much for the girl, he thought. 

His heart missed a beat when he saw himself lying dead on the floor. Quickly, he made the boggart become something similar to a dog and then made it disappear. 

Hermione stood there, absent, trembling and looking nowhere.

"Miss Granger, are you all right?"

She got quiet and nodded. 

"I think that was enough for today. See you on Thursday."

She stood there some seconds more, and then she left, still a bit shocked.


	8. To die to sleep

Thanks for the reviews... I was holding my breath. (I'm kinda purple now)

**Endilwen:** I'll surely ask for your help, but not too soon, don't worry. If you haven't noticed it yet, I'm quite glad with you BETA-reading!

**Tabii**: Thank you! Your review put a big smile in my face

**WifeofSatan**: I also spend too much time here... Ssssorry about ssss! No more for a while. And HI! I am also a September one!

**Melwasul**: Thank you for R&R!!! Don't you think it is taking me awfully long to put them together? I know, but can't help it...

* * * 

"To be, or not to be, that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous Fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

And by opposing end them: to die to sleep; 

No more; and by a sleep, to say we end

The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks 

That flesh is heir to?  'tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wish'd. To die to sleep, 

To sleep, perchance to dream; ay, there's the rub,

For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come, 

When we have shuffled off this mortal coil

Must give us pause."

To die to sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream... he took his quill. To die to sleep... to sleep, maybe to rest. He played with the idea for some seconds, then forgot about it. He remembered the quill and underlined the words. Hermione Granger came to his mind, and he imagined how horrified she would be if he saw him commiting this sacrilege that was painting a book. With that idea, he enjoyed even more the lines he drew, and the few words he noted down on the borders. Well, he wouldn't have painted some books, of course, but these paperbacks muggle things, he loved getting them used, with old, yellowing pages. Sometimes he even had to cast Reparo on them. 

But the thought of Hermione Granger came back. She had been scared of his death. Why on earth would Miss Granger fear his death? Not that it felt bad having someone worried about that, his mind let that thought slip among his ideas for a second. But... it had been a big impression to see his body laying there, mostly because he would have imagined it was one of the biggest fantasies of any Gryffindor. He suspected it had been a surprise also for Miss Granger, if he was to trust her expresion. The idea of her feeling something special for him didn't even cross his mind. No one had ever had; he was too unfair, to cruel to all of them, so he just didn't think about it. He wasn't sure how he felt about having at least one student in Hogwarts (it could become a plague at any moment, although he didn't think there was much danger of that happening...) who would like him to stay alive. Not too bad, not too bad. Annoying, and strange, maybe. But not too bad. 

To die, to sleep... yet he would prefer to die, because of the nightmares. He looked the bottle over his table and took five drops of Hermione's potion. Ah, to die, to sleep...

* * *

"So? How was it?"

"Ron! Why are they all still here?" There were at least ten Gryffindors up in the common room. She sent an angry look at her fellow prefect, and he blushed a little. 

"Mione!!!" Harry scolded her. "We just wanted to know how you were" and took his friend by the arm.

"Yes, yes, Hermione" said Parvati's nasty shrieking voice. "We were worried for you"

_You viper just would have loved to see me covered with mud and blood_, she thought, but tried to smile.

"By the way, you don't look very well" Ginny said, tactfully.

"Oh, I'm all right. I'm just tired and should finish my homework So, if you don't mind..."

People dissolved, still wondering what her punishment had been. She heard Parvati saying to Lavender Brown: "Same as always. She's a swot, didn't I tell you?."

She tried to avoid tears, pointing to the ceiling with her chin. This was too much.

Safe in her room, she still wanted to die, but for different reasons than her teacher's. Since when did she care about Snape being dead or alive? She had suspected the boggart would become something different this time, but Snape's corpse?

The plain idea made her shiver. Why did she worry about the meanest and cruelest wizard in existence? Well she didn't mind. She filled the bathtub. Harry was right, she needed  to relax. 

Parking the topic in a very obscure and distant place of her mind, put herself into the hot water and closed her eyes. 

* * *

"Try again"

She looked back at him, grinding her teeth. 

"_Protego!_" She was already protected by the shield charm, but even so, Snape's "_Stupefy_" reached her, and she fell to the floor, nearly unconcious. She had the impression he was overacting in those classes. He didn't need to use all his power against her! At least, the nightmares hadn't come back. She felt more prepared than ever. 

Her legs didn't obey her at the first command, so Snape reached her and with a nasty, teasing voice, he asked:

"Miss Granger, will you be able to go on with the class?"

She brushed the dust off her robes. "Yes" she spat. 

"Very well, then. Again"

"_Protego!_" "_Stupefy!_"

Snape reached her just in time to catch her head before it hit the floor. Colour had gone out of her cheeks. He was being extra-cruel, he knew, but Miss Granger made him nervous. And she really had to learn to fight against Dark Arts. Voldemort wouldn't care about hurting her. However, this didn't calm the itchy sensation his guilty conscience was giving him.

"_Enervate_"

She opened her eyes, and pushed herself far from him, for they were too close. An awkward moment came, and suddenly she was holding her wand again. 

"_Protego_"

Snape wasn't ready, but it took him only seconds

"_Stupefy_"

This time, she stood there not too firmly, but she didn't fall. 

"Good. We should stop, you are getting tired"

"Professor?"

"Yes, Miss Granger?"

"First I would like to try to attack you"

Surely she wasn't thinking he would allow her to hex him or something, was she? Merlin's teeth, she was. 

"Miss Granger, I am afraid this is Defence Against the Dark Arts, not Dark Arts, if you get the difference"

"I do, but, honestly, attack is the best form of defence"

"Muggle-quoting? Come on, Miss Granger" But he gave in. "What will you try?"

"I don't know. I would like... a duel?"

"If that pleases you..." he said, scornfully.

They took places.

"_Tarantallegra_!"

Snape nearly laughted, the girl wanted to make him dance. He resisted it without any protecting spell. He was not very impressed. Miss Granger could do better. 

"_Rictusempra_!"

"_Protego!"_ and as a surprise, the charm went back to Hermione and she began to laugh.

"_Fi... _hehe_... finite incantatem. Confundus_!"

Snape was confused, indeed. 

"_Wingardium Leviosa!_" He felt his feet separating from the ground, but he was still a bit disconcerted. The teacher inside him still found strength to critizise the choice. Wingardium Leviosa was not a brilliant charm to use on a human being, if he could be considered one, but mixed with Confundus, it was working, he reflected.

"_Serpentsortia_" he shouted

"_Desillusio_" The snake that he had made appear seemed to lose colour but went on approaching her. It was real. 

Snape said some words she could not understand, and the snake, instead of biting her, it began encircling her legs. She was going to fall. 

"_Impedimenta_" The snake stopped for a second and she transfigurated it into a rat.

Snape spoke parseltongue. Why had he never let them know, not even with that issue of the Chamber of Secrets?

He gave her no time to think.

"_Expelliarmus_"

"_Accio varita_" she said when it was sliding out of her hand. And it came. They exchanged a glance. It was very difficult to do any magic without a wand. Technically she _had_ a wand, but she had stopped touching it while saying the spell.

He walked towards her, probably to check her wand, but she instinctively tried to protect herself. 

"_Locomor mortis!"_

Snape nearly fell down when his legs stopped sharply.

Slightly annoyed he waved his wand pointing at his legs and reached Miss Granger.

"That was interesting" It  had been a exciting duel, one of the most equals he had had, even if he wouldn't acknowledge it aloud for a million galleons.

She was very tired, but feeling satisfied. She had healed her wounded pride. 

"Next time we will be learning some ways of counteracting against the Unforgivables, including spells and potions."

"But, Professor, is that legal?"

"Well, I wouldn't put my hand in the fire for it, but it can be very useful, whatever Fudge thinks."

She startled hearing the hatred with which Snape uttered the Minister's name. 

"And, next weeks we might be taking some Occlumency classes" he pondered her reaction.

She tried to hide it. Now that she was so confused she didn't think it was a good idea. 

"As you wish. Anything else?"

"No. You may leave. Don't forget to clean up."

"_Scourgify_" it was the same he used in his classes. Good girl, always paying attention. 


	9. Cinderella

Stupid setting chapters about to end soon, promise

Thanks to WifeOfSatan for rereviewing, Lana Manckir, Sirius Black and neina for reading and being nice : - )), Melwasul (happy you think so...), and AnaNinaSnape, (thank you! I guess you will speak portuguese, but just out of curiosity, do you speak any spanish?). And Endilwen.

- - - - - -

She was so tired... she lay on her bed. It had been great, a duel against Snape, and she hadn't been too bad... She would have liked to try other spells she had read about, like the Cheering Charm. It would really fit Snape; he would probably prefer her to cast _Imperio_ or _Cruciatus_ on him rather than a Cheering Charm.

She forced herself to stop that train of thought, but it wasn't necessary, her eyes closed and she was asleep before she could realize or take the Dreamless Sleeping Potion.

- - - - - 

She was walking down a corridor. There was light under the door at the end of it, so she opened it. She wanted to scream but no sound came out of her throat. Her family laid dead on the floor. Ron was there, also, his lifeless eyes staring back at her. Harry, Snape and Dumbledore were also in the room. 

They were fighting against a rat. Then it became a snake. She knew it was Voldemort, but they didn't. She had to tell them... She screamed, and then they turned round. That very moment, the snake took Voldemort's shape and said "_Avada Kedavra_" with his hissing voice full of happiness. "Thank you, mudblood" 

It had been her fault! Snape and Dumbledore both lay dead. But Harry managed to get up. Voldemort knew he couldn't kill him. They shared too many things.

"_Imperio_" he said, pointing Hermione with a nasty grin. 

Then she took out her wand, pointed Harry and a green light surrounded the boy while she heard herself saying "_Avada Kedavra_" and she saw him falling very slowly, very, very slowly...

She woke up, sweating, and turned on the light. Crookshanks sniffed around her, not able to undestand what the problem was. She passed her fingers over his back, and then took a sip of the bottle over the table. Maybe it was too much. Damn, she didn't care. She went back to her bed, still trembling. It had been her fault... the words still echoed in her mind. 

- - - - - 

A knock on the door woke her up. 

"Hermione, come on, we're late!"

Friday. No special classes, free time. She had rested some hours, but not enough. Her back was aching sharply. 

"Gimme a sec, guys, I'll be downstairs in a minute"

"Ok, but don't take too long or you'll miss breakfast!"

Her eyes met the bottle. She was running out of that wonderful liquid. She would have to ask Snape for more, but she just didn't want him to ask why she needed it so badly. 

- - - - - - 

Snape was tired. The class with Miss Granger had required some effort. 

He stared at the ceiling. 

Suddenly he found himself in front of a giantic snake. Nagini, he thought, but it wasn't Nagini. Dumbledore and that Potty-boy, as Draco Malfoy called Harry, were at his sides. Suddenly, a cry called their attention and they turned towards the door. 

Hermione stood there, horrified, before her family's and Ron's corpses, pointing to the snake and saying "it is Voldemort!"

But is was too late. Snape could hear Voldemort's curse and then he could see nothing else. He found himself floating over his own body and Dumbledore's. That Potter weed was still alive, but... oh Merlin. Hermione had killed him. And now Voldemort was using _Cruciatus_ on Hermione. He wanted to stop her suffering, he tried to put himself betwen Voldemort and her, but he was no more than a ghost. 

He opened his eyes. In less than a second, his brain processed what had happened. He hadn't take the potion. He was running out of it. 

He had never had nightmares about dying. All his nightmares were about the past, about memories he wanted to forget, remorse, old feuds, old wounds... never about students. Had it been his "_inner eye_"? he wondered, mocking the term Trelawey liked to use. He got up, put on his robes and went into the corridors for a walk. Maybe it was the time to pay Parkinson a visit, and check about that muggle lover she had found. He would need something to tell Voldemort on their next meeting. 

- - - - - - - 

"Sa we oll welztay fo holidz?"

"No" Hermione was already used to hearing her friend speaking before swallowing his food.

"You will be going home?"

"Yes. I would break my parents' hearts otherwise."

Harry seemed to think about that, nodding slightly. "I hadn't seen it that way. Hey, d'ya think I should be going back to Privet Drive? I wouldn't like to break any hearts."

They stared at him and then laughted hysterically. It was so good that he had gotten over all his childhood, Hermione thought. Less than that would have made other people rot, but not Harry. 

Dumbledore got up, and paused for silence.

"The term will be finishing in a week, and you will be leaving for Christmas holidays." Dumledore had to ask for silence again "As you probably know, we have had some complaints from your parents about keeping you here at the school with the Tri Wizard Tournament, and with the Yule Ball other times. This year, most of you will be going home for the holidays, and for that reason, we have decided to bring Yule Ball a little bit forward... it will take place next Saturday, before you leave." 

At the table, everyone exchanged glances of happiness. Except her.

"Hermione? Would you come with me to the dance?" Ron asked.

She didn't want to. She didn't want to go to the dance, first of all. Then, she didn't want Ron as a partner. She preferred... she didn't allow herself to think about it. She just found the looks Ron shot at her disgusting, and the way his sweaty hand grabbed hers, and she knew he wouldn't let this chance pass without trying to get more than a dance. But she had to go, and it was better with a friend.

"Err... ok, Ron, yes"

He grinned and made Victory sign with his fingers. 

"You cannot say I asked you too late this time" he said, referring to the time she was Victor Krum's partner. She wanted to forget that time, so she didn't answer.

Draco Malfoy was again staring at her, with no discretion at all, and smiling with mischief. She shuddered. 

_- - - - - - - _

_But once you liked Ron_, she told to herself, in her room.

No, I didn't. I just had some kind of stupid crush on him, but it was just the same one I had on Harry our first year here! Now I know what I want.

Well, she really didn't, but at least after Viktor, she was sure she wanted someone who respected her for what she was; who would not babble only about Quidditch, someone brave, someone who could protect her, someone who didn't need a babysitter. Someone self-assured, well, someone far from Ron or Harry. 

- - - - - - - 

Holidays. He really didn't mind. It was holidays, what meant time for his research and no students. Also Granger was leaving so he would be able to enjoy all of his time in his own. Great. He would drink brandy, go to Dark Revels, and maybe read a book or two if Dumbledore's invented parties and events didn't interrupt him too much.

He was fed up with the girlish chatter about the Yule Ball he was hearing everywhere. It was only a stupid dance! Voldemort was out there, threatening their lives, and the students were so childlish they were worried about a Ball. He hadn't taught them anything, then. They hadn't learnt but to fear him, and to brew a couple of simple potions. He sighed.

He still had to remind the other Heads of Houses to warn students not to try to drink alcohol at the party. He would enjoy spotting them if they did. 

- - - - - - - 

And so, the days passed and the holidays approached more and more. 

That Tuesday, Snape was not in a very good mood for a detention.

"Take out your wand"

She did so.

He took something like a basin and pointed his head with his wand.

"But Professor, I thought you said..."

"I know. I just thought we should begin with Occlumency first, so that you have time to practice it over the holidays. And maybe then you could also help your friend Potter, who seems unable to make any progress."

He pointed the pensieve with his wand and a silver line began pouring itself into the basin. 

"Now, ready?"

"Yes"

"_Legilimens_"

_Last Yule Ball, discussing with Ron... last summer, bored to death in Grimmauld Place... her parents lying death on the floor_... that was a dream... _Harry, Snape and Dumbledore in front of a big Snake, her screaming, them killed, her killing Potter_... the circus of horrors seemed neverending.

No doubt this girl needs a Dreamless Sleep Potion, Circe! I'd even recommend a couple of months at St. Mungo's!!! Snape thought

She was trying to resist to the attack but she failed.

He looked at her with that very peculiar glance he had when he was thinking about something that had surprised him, raising an eyebrow.

"About that dream I've just seen, Miss Granger..."

"Yes, I think I should be allowed to use a Pensieve also, Professor."

"Don't be ridiculous. Was it a dream, a vision, what?"

"A... a nightmare, sir."

Curious thing, they shared the same nightmare. He didn't think about it any longer, he would have time for it during the holidays. Sharing dreams with a student was not something he wanted to think of right in that moment. They went on with the class.

- - - - - - 

She was exhausted. She just had to reach her bed... damned Snape, damned detentions, and blasted Occlumency. 

On her bed rested a large package. "For Hermione" it read.

She unwrapped it and opened the box it contained. She stared at the present, speechless. At least it couldn't be Ron's, she had been scared of it, but this was too expensive.

She took the note, and smiled widely.

_Dear Herm,_ - how much she had hated that petty nickname, and how nice it sounded now-

_Your dad and I thought you would like to get your Christmas present in advance this year?_

It is your size, or at least so I hope. You are a woman now, and you will be probably be even more changed than when I saw you last summer. 

_Please, if you have such things as photographs there, send us one. We are still parents of an sixteen-year-old young woman!_

_Love,_

_Mum and Dad_

_P.S., who are you going to the dance with?_

P.S.II. See you very, very soon...

She giggled, unable to control her excitement. Touching the soft fabric of the incredibly precious dress that the box contained, not daring to put it on . At last, she did, and

fearfully walked to the mirror. 

She was shocked. It fitted her, it really did. The dark bottle-like green brought out the best of her. Even without make-up and her disarranged hair she looked like an actress or a famous singer. 

Thanks, mum and dad. 

She hadn't even thought about what she would be wearing and now she realized that probably the dress of the year before, which she wold have worn, was too small for her now. Her body has changed a lot, and she hadn't even realized, but with that green dress, she looked... well, her mum's choice (for it probably was) was great.

She put it in the wardrobe, and wrote her parents to thank them. She would ask Harry for Hedwig the next day, she thought, and then she sat down and read. Soon, she was completely immersed in Hamlet's vengeful kingdom, nearly smelling that which stank in Denmark.

- - - - - - - 

And suddenly, it was Saturday morning. 

She would miss her friends, and the magic. She would have to go out with her neighbour and lie about how her year had been in "that school she was attending in France". She thought she would prefer pretending to attend St. Brutus with Harry. 

She started brewing a potion to smooth her hair. She did it in her room; she didn't want to face Snape, and neither wanted him to mock her for caring about her appearance. She didn't care, really, but she remembered the way everybody had looked at her when she entered the Ball with Viktor. Some kind of respect in their eyes. Even envy. She wanted that. She wanted to be esteemed. She couldn't get it by what she really was, what was wrong with pretending to be another thing for just one night?

Unluckily, the cauldron she had up there was too small, so she could brew only the potion needed for 2 doses. _So forget about being pretty after the ball, Cinderella_. She had a shower, and wrapped herself in a towel. There was a knock on the door.

"Uh... hello Hermione"

It was Lavender Brawn, and with her, Parvati Patil.

"Hello. How can I help you?"

"We just thought about paying you a visit... by the way, what are you wearing tonight?"

They sort of broke into her room. The dress she had been taking the year before laid over the bed. She wanted to transfigure it into a pair of sandals matching her new dress, but it was difficult and she was having some problems. 

"Ohhh. I love this dress. It fits you"

Hermione could see her _you-are-going-with-the-same-dress-than-last-year_ horrified glance, but she didn't say anything to correct her. 

Lavender was in her bathroom, leting out excited exclamations about her muggle make-up. 

Suddenly, Parvati and Hermione heard the sound of breaking glass and they rushed into the bathroom.

The floor was covered with the sleekeazy's hair potion she had been working on all the morning. She held in her tears, she wouldn't cry in front of her classmates, but this was too similar to Cinderella, she thought. Though she didn't really think Lavender had done it on purpose, she couldn't avoid noticing Parvati's delighted look, like if she was one of the stepsisters.

Apologizing they left her alone. 

It was all ruined now. Well, she would be herself. Maybe she should also send the dress back to her mother. It was too expensive, too sophisticated. How had she believed she could outstand in a party? The only place where she could outstand was in a knowledge contest. But the only contest held in Hogwarts was that Triwizard Tournament, she thought bitterly. 


	10. Yule Ball

My computer is broken. The modem stopped working and my tears did the rest… : -(

Thank you very much to **Jane Padfoot**, (glad you liked it), **nenah**(and have you had a try? I'd like to read it! Thanks…), **Captain Crash **(hey! I've just seen you finished. I have ten minutes more paid, so I'll go straight to it now), **Lana Manckir** (THANKS!!!) **Nadezhda**(yeah, it's odd, but thanks anyway! I'm glad you like details because I am going crazy about them) and **KnightsBallad**(you already think poor Herm? You don't how much more I'll make her suffer…I found your fic very good, and would recommend it!). And again, thanks to **Endilwen** for being my Beta.

------------

"_Reparo_" The bottle pieces put themselves together. "_Scourgify_" she said, and the spilt potion disappeared.

She overcame the sensation of failure invading her and brushed her hair. She decided well combed curly hair was not so terrible, after all, and she put it up in a beatiful chignon, with some ringlets falling casually into her face.

She fixed it with some spells, put on some make up, and then got dressed. It took her a while to get her sandals transfigured, but in the end she got a nice pair of green high-heeled sandals that were fixed to her small feet only by some thin strips. She still had ten minutes more before the dance began, so she started reading.

------------

"Come on, Ron. Not even the girls are taking so much time"

Harry opened the door of the bathroom and found his friend trying to wash away some greasy substance from his hair.

"What is that?"

"I thought I would look better with this gel on my hair... but I think it makes me look like Snape."

With a spell Harry made it disappear, and Ron thanked him heartily.

"By the way, I think he has done something to his hair. It looks..." he was going to say great, but then he gave it a second thought " quite normal"

"I don't know, I'll have a look later."

They ran through the corridors and they got to the Hall, where the tables had been put apart for them to dance.

"Where's Hermione?" Ron complained, when he saw Harry and Ginny were already together.

"I don't know, she wasn't in the common room" Ginny told her brother.

----------

She was in Denmark, her mind full of ghosts and swords and blood. Suddenly she looked at her wristwatch, that she had left over her bed, and her heart stopped. She rushed, tempted to carry the book with her.

She reached the Hall. Everyone was inside now. She opened the door and then everybody stared at her.

Harry rolled his eyes. Ron gulped. The girls nearly died with envy. Parvati began shaking.

Hermione was a goddess.

At the sudden silence, Snape turned his head.

He was breathless. His first very stupid thought was that the incredibly beautiful young woman standing awkwardly on the entrance had to be a Slytherin, for the colour of her dress. Then he realized it was Hermione Granger and he choked.

He felt hot, something strange going up his spine. The rest of the people seemed to have vanished, and he only wanted to run to her, hold her arm and take her to the dance floor and gently press her hand.

As if she would ever let him touch her at all. She would back away from him in horror. _Severus__ Snape!!! She is a student. She is Miss Granger, mudblood, Gryffindor, always pesting in your classes! _– _She is bright, she is by far the most interesting person in Hogwarts... the most intelligent person... the most intelligent student, Snape..._

His face didn't show any change at all, used to deceiving as his features were, but when their eyes met, he couldn't resist her glance. He had never felt so weak, not even in front of the Dark Lord. His dark onyx eyes refused. He hated it, he had never been one allowing any momentary weaknesses, so he decided to leave as soon as possible. And to stop drinking punch.

-------

Shyly, she walked towards her friends, not noticing the lustful looks some boys were giving her.

"Hermione, you look absolutly wonderful" Ginny said, and Harry nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, you look different" Ginny nudged Ron at what he wanted to be a compliment.

"Thanks, but it is just the dress, it's wonderful. My parents sent it. Ron, would you mind if we dance now? I feel stupid standing here."

"Yeah, of course"

But before they could move, Dumbledore spoke.

"I think teachers should begin with the dance. Why don't you prefects come here so that we can all mix together?"

Hermione, mortified, walked towards the front of the room. Suddenly, she knew that she wanted to dance with Snape. A forgotten moment, when he had helped her up from the floor in their private classes, smelling his nice masculine scent so close, came back to her memory. The other prefects started dancing with some teachers, and Snape and she were very near.

"Professor..." she hesitated looking at him

"What?" he croaked, looking horrified.

"Nothing..." her voice faded away. She was so stupid... how was Snape going to dance with a Gryffindor know-it-all, mudblood student? Hagrid saved her from tears.

She danced and danced, and spent the ball surrounded by boys.

But Snape couldn't avoid noticing she tried to escape to sip some punch every time she could. What had she wanted to tell him? He wasn't the dancing type, and gone the previous weakness, she was still the little know-it-all and he was again Severus Snape the Death Eater. ExDeath Eater. And surely she didn't want to dance with him, either. She refused any contact, as he well remembered from the couple of times their classes had demanded proximity. And who would want to touch him at all?

-------------

Snape was no longer in the room, and Ron was going sickly-sweet with her, so she decided to leave as soon as she had an opportunity.

She excused herself to Seamus Finnigan. "I have to go to the toilet, maybe later, ok?" and rushed out the room.

She was near to Gryffindor Tower when a hand stopped her and pushed her back to the wall. It were Draco Malfoy's eyes which were burning in the light of the torch.

"Draco" she muttered

"Hi, Hermione" he said. His breath smelled of alcohol. Hermione's pulse raced. "Where're you goin' so quickly?"

"I'm tired" She tried to be polite.

"Well, you didn't dance with me"

Hermione tried to go, but then he encircled –actually caged - her with his arms. Damn.

"Herm, beauty, why are you trying to run from me?"

"What? I am not trying to run, Draco"

"Umm, it has taken you six years to call me Draco" said him, picking with his finger one of her curls and playing with it, and then letting his hand fall carelessly over Hermione's naked shoulders. She dared to look at him directly and saw his malicious eyes full of lust. She was deadly scared.

He bent down a little bit, as he was just a couple of inches taller, and kissed her, or at least tried to, because she bit his tongue when he tried to put it inside her mouth.

"You slut!" he shouted, and grasped her arms strongly pushing her whole body towards the wall even more with his own.

Then someone appeared round the corner, and Hermione sighed, relieved, although the steps could still belong to Crabble and Goyle. But it was Snape.

"What's going on here?"

Draco quickly let her go.

"Nothing, Professor." He said. "Hermione just stepped into me and I was telling her to watch where she walks"

He looked at her, quizzically.

"It is as he says, Professor. Can I go to bed?"

"So soon, Miss Granger?"

"I'm tired" She wanted to leave before he disappeared and Draco could stop her again.

Snape didn't move until he saw her reach the tower. He hadn't believed a word, he knew exactly what had been happening, and wouldn't give Malfoy another chance to catch her alone. But why had she lied? Probably out of honour or something like that. She was a stupid if she thought Draco would recognize honour. He wouldn't, even if it was a girl walking naked in front of his nose.

That Draco was a very bad weed, which was redundant but clear. He knew what the guy had gone through since his first year, bullying everyone, and hating mudbloods, and then being crazy about Hermione... about Granger, he corrected himself. The boy was rotten to the bones, and wouldn't know love even if it was another naked girl, restregating herself with honour, he thought, with humour.

So anything he felt, he thought it lust. He had seen the boy's attempts to take her out of her head- which surely was very difficult, especially after that ball in which she appeared with Krum. Draco had been bewildered by the sight, he remembered – probably scared to be attracted to a mudblood. So it was just obvious that sooner or later he would attack her.

That's why Snape had kept an eye on him all the time. People like them usually ended hurting their love objects. They couldn't accept they liked them, so they just took what they want with absolute despair. And they never took enough, because they never accepted what they really wanted.

He shook his head with shame. That girl was having a dreadful year, Merlin's bones. No doubt she had nightmares. He hoped the potion was working so well for her as it was doing for him.

------------------

It was.

Hermione wasn't asleep, though. That day she hadn't taken the potion. She was lying on bed, curled up, holding her knees with her arms, still scared. And that it had to be Snape who discovered them...

She didn't know why she felt so embarrased. Stupid was a thing she was not, so she had not lied expecting Draco to be grateful. She had done it because she didn't like telling except if necessary, and also because she didn't want Snape to know. She didn't want to be a charge to him once again. He surely was growing tired of her.

---------

She was wearing muggle clothes, but also make-up and her hair up when she said goodbye to her friends. She approached the teachers and spoke to McGonagall, and was able to catch a glimpse of Snape speaking to some Slytherins.

Harry and Ron took her to the station, Ron still looking resentful because of her leaving the party without any warning.

"Bye, boys. See you in a couple of weeks" she kissed Harry's cheek, and he was to kiss Ron's but he brushed her lips with his. She blushed, but she just turned round and got into the train. She would have two weeks to think how she could turn Ron down.

She spent the entire trip sleeping.

---------------

"Severus, you cannot do it. It is suicide"

"Headmaster, this has been the third attack. Voldemort is killing muggles. I have to do something."

"No, Snape, you won't do anything." This time Dumbledore hadn't offered him any Lemon Drops. He seemed not in the least bit old, and the twinkle was gone from his eyes. He stood there gravely. "Listen to me, you won't do anything until you are summoned." And it was an order.

Years as a spy had given him the strengh and the courage, but he was still dealing with the patience. Of course he could be very patient. He could stand for hours watching a potion boil, a student's punishment... but now, his own students were in danger. Well, no Slytherins, of course, but muggle borns. He didn't want to recognize it, but from time to time a spell came to his mind and he regretted not having taught it to Hermione. She would be helpless in front of Voldemort.

He went back to his rooms. He tried to find his book, but it was nowhere in sight. He went to potions classroom, but it wasn't there, either. He decided he should get drunk. It had been a very long time since he had done so. Because he needed a good amount of alcohol and because he could be summoned anytime. But he had just some potion to clear up on hand, so he could well afford to celebrate Christmas.

----------

Hermione woke up when they were arriving in London. Only fifteen minutes, and she would be with her parents.

She took Hamlet out or her trunk. In fact, she was growing tired of it. She hated when a book took her so long to read. Not that she didn't like it, but she had no time.

She froze. It was... someone had... it was painted! Who had painted her book? And they had wrote something on the margins! She couldn't understand what it said but she inmediatly recognized the handwriting. It was Snape's.

She found strange Snape had painted any book, but then, more than he had taken her book. Until she realized she was carrying an identical book on her suitcase. Snape, reading Shakespeare? Funny thought. He was more of a mystery she thought. _Just forget you have stolen his book, somehow..._

_----------------_

Lying on his bed broadly awake, Snape was feeling the effects of his hangover. Not that a little headache mattered after years of Cruciatus. He stretched a little, and lazily got out of his bed. Then he understood. It was Christmas day. He was tempted to go back to bed and cover himself with the blankets, but he had essays to correct.

The day went on slowly. Dumbledore planned a special dinner for everyone who was staying. Great. Sitting along with Potter, Weasley and some first years was his real dream for Christmas.

An owl came inside the room. He looked at it. It looked like Potter's.

He was carrying a little package, and he wondered what could it be. Maybe he was about to get his first Christmas present ever? Not likely.

He tore the papers away and suddenly found himself looking at his copy of Hamlet . Staring idiotically at it, he saw a note, in a very clear handwriting. He knew by heart all his student's handwriting.

It was Miss Granger's.

What the fuck...?

_Professor Snape,_

_I am awfully sorry but by mistake I took your book home._ (He could nearly she her trembling when she noticed, and laughed.)

_I am very sorry, I was reading it myself, and we are using the same edition, or so it seems. I must have put it into my bag the day I cleaned the potions room. I am very sorry, Professor. _

I also didn't know if owling it to you would be very proper, but I thought you might need it.

_Sorry I took it. _

_Merry Christmas to you, sir_

_Hermione Granger_.

Well, she sounded really sorry. Sorry, sorry Professor, sorry... he wasn't also very sure that an student owling a teacher was quite right, but he let it pass. He nearly felt the embarrasment she had suffered. He thought of something very funny. Cruel... but funny. Afer all, she had just wished him Merry Christmas!

He took out a piece of paper, scribbled something and gave it to the owl.

The paper read:

Ten points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger 


End file.
